+ ☣︎ Tobias Hysterical + ☣︎

hello hello.. um, i don't know where or how to start this, but today was good.. kind of. today was my honor roll so i didn't have classes today (though i did have to attend the honor roll.. obvi) and, well, i got high honor! i kind of wish i was able to get academic excellency but high honor is good too. after the honor roll my dad took me to eat some really good mexican food. it's nice eating something that isn't the same rice with nothing or mystery meat i eat everyday... though, i'm kinda depressed too, i guess? well, maybe i shouldn't use "depressed" but you get it. i haven't had the motivation to do much of anything lately. i barely eat, sleep, shower, go to the bathroom.. i only do those things "as-needed", now. i just stay in bed isolated from the rest of the world for most of my day now. i don't have much interest in many of the things i used to love, either. it's just so fucking.. pathetic, i guess? hell, i can't even find the motivation to draw! and when i do, it just comes out all wrong. today i was trying to start the drawing i wanted to make for Anouk after making a couple of drafts but it just looked awful. it was horribly planned out, i wasn't confident with my strokes, and so much more.

i've been having tons of intrusive thoughts too. real awful stuff. i don't know.. maybe it's just lack of sleep or something. i do really miss being able to get things done and actually like them, though.. i hate that i'm losing passion and interest to do anything now. i miss being a normal, functioning human being who actually HAD hobbies. this is for sure just a phase though, i'll probably get over it next week.. maybe? hopefully so, i hate feeling like this...

well today i just got back from my vacay! it was pretty fun but i have some mixed feelings 'bout it, though that you guys can ask me on IM (or i'll just post about it later.. i just don't feel like it right now), and i'm glad to be home now. nothing like the weird mess of plushies and cardboard on my bed and the stress of having to finish some projects before next week or else i might fail my class/freak out because i can't finish personal projects ;)

anywhoooo, about my vacation.. well, like i said, it was fun. when i arrived and went to my grandparents' house to stay with them, some of our other family were waiting for us and greeted us with a big old cake! it was very good. i also got to *finally* sleep in my own room away from my parents, neat! i always had to sleep with my parents whenever i visited for some reason. i was kind of scared i had to sleep with my grandma since she used to sleep in the room i was staying at, but i guess she's sleeping with my grandpa now? oh, whatever. at least i get my own room to sleep in.. AND NO CURFEWS FOR ME!!! ^_________^ anyway... i met up with a lot of family i don't/can't get to talk much with, some of them were kinda dry. especially the guys in the family. i went to some pretty neat places, for example a few fancy-schmancy restaurants, and also ate a lot of fried chicken and even went to bathe in one of the shortest rivers in the world! it was SO cold. like, ice cold, no joke.. oh, also, that day for some reason we met up with some random dudes that we don't (well, 'we' as in all of us except my uncle) that i think work as police and hanged out with them. it was.. fun? i didn't talk to them so i can't really say much :P

after that i can't really say much, though. we went to restaurants, bought some good shit at the supermarkets.. did you know that in the dominican supermarket chain 'Bravo' they sell completely, 100% natural, straight from the pulp, without a hint of dilution orange juice? for like, 9 (american) bucks? i know it sounds expensive, yes, but you literally get the weird fake cheap stuff for around that price in some places now. IT'S VERY WORTH IT. or you could, you know, just make it yourself.. oranges and orange juice makers aren't that expensive, at least i hope so. ugh, i'm rambling. anywho, while i was away i started to make a little drawing of Neesh on my phone (god, i hate drawing on my phone. too much button and so little canvas), i think i'll post it tomorrow. i also have a ton of school doodles i think i'll put up in my junk archive on my site, only problem is scanning them all.. *sigh* oh well. guess i've got my work cut out for me.

anyway! here's some shit doll i did at some doll game on doll divine. hhehehehe.. i like dress-up games, yes.. here's the link for the game if you're interested, also click the thumbnail to see the img in mildly better quality. yaaaaaaay. BAAAAAAA.



but, yeah. good to be home. i missed you guys!







(why do almost all my entries have the same 3 paragraph format? wtf)